6 months

Well, it is official, on February 2nd I will have been away from home for 6 months, and on the 5th, will have been in Bulgaria for 6 months. As I look back on the time, it seems like so much longer and I cant believe all the good and the bad that I have experienced. I want to apologize to those who try to read my blog to keep up to date on what I am doing, I know it has been a long time. For those of you who know me well, know that I may start something with the best of intentions but end up getting lazy or bored and not following through. But I am hoping to change that, and keep up with the blog again.

Well, when I last wrote, I was still living in Radomir, and although life at the time was very stressful and we were all looking forward to the next step, looking back, life was so much easier then. The last few weeks of living with a host family continued to be busy with language training, assignments, projects and various meetings with Peace Corps. On October 18th, we had what is called a swearing in ceremony. The swearing in ceremony is when we took an oath (the same one the President takes) and became official volunteers. It was much more emotional and difficult than I thought because the day before you said goodbye to your host families. You knew that by the end of that day you would be saying goodbye to your friends, site mates, teachers and any other support you had during the first 3 month, and that by the end of the day, you would be at what was to be your new home.

Saying goodbye to my friends and support was so much more difficult than I thought it would be. I arrived in Dolna Banya that night, was shown my apartment for the first time and was left with no food, and a pretty empty apartment. Reality hit, and I have never felt so alone or lost in my whole life! One of the difficulties of coming to site at that time was before a weekend, and you would be on your own without work or seeing anyone really. Somehow, I dont know how, I was able to get through that first weekend and as time went on...the adventure began!

Everyday I went to work, which initially I woud just sit with kids and a coworker and watch them do homework, various other things. The first week I was there, my boiler didnt work in my bathroom, so I didnt have hot water for more than a week. During this time, my light also stopped working in my bathroom and for about the first month I had light in there for maybe 4 days total.

The next adventure was one day I started having difficulty getting my key to unlock my door. Somehow with the language barrier, I was able to contact my coworker who had an extra key and she came and was able to let me in my apartment. After she left, I wanted to test from the inside to see if it worked...well it didnt and I managed to lock myself in, and break the key in my lock! So again, with the language barrier, got her to come back, with 3 "diyados" (grandpas), this time to try and break down the door. So for about an hour, I was trapped in my apartment, listening to 3 old men arguing with each other on the best way to get me out! After this was done successfully and they were repairing my door, I told them about the scratching I had been hearing behind my toilet. One man went to investigate and discovered a dead bird that he proceeded to throw at me! I swear I caught bird flu! Needless to say, it was a slightly traumatic experience, but one I just tried to laugh through.

My next adventure happened when I was in the middle of taking a shower and was interupted by loud banging on my door. Turns out, my shower was flooding into the apartment below me...so again with the language barrier, realized I couldnt shower, and had to try and relay this problem to coworkers so it could get fixed! After about a week of not being able to shower again, 2 men came, pounded a hole in the cement floor and replaced my drain. During this time, they discovered a second dead bird behind my toilet! At this point, everything was continuing to build up and I was seriously questioning my being able to make it through 2 years of this!

Well, 3 months and no more huge problems like that. In a place where everything is foreign and difficult, when you only have your apartment that you can escape to, when that starts to fall apart, it makes you a little crazy! Life in no way is easy here, and it tests you daily at how much you can handle. Even though you see people every day, there is still a huge isolation that you feel, which is intensifyed by winter, when people in town spend most their time in their homes.
The culture as great as it is, is difficult as well to get used to, and that carries over into work. My work has mainly consisted of working with a small group of kids daily on helping with homework. This has been very difficult because it is not what I expected on doing when I came here.

My NGO is also very new, so together we are learning about this process and how to make it work. Right now, work is where I am struggling the most. Because its not what I expected, and because of the language, there is a large part of the time where I feel useless. As I continue to struggle with this part of being here, I am slowly realizing that I have to lowerd or eliminate expectations and just do the best I can. On the days when I walk down the street and the kids yell at me from across the way, or I meet one of their parents it makes it all seem possible. I have come to realize that even though I came here to help others and make an impact where I can, that I believe I will be the one most changed and impacted by this experience by the time I leave.

It still does not feel like home, and I struggle with quite a bit daily. This is an experience that you can get through physically, but trying to get through mentally and emotionally is a different story. It continues to test me and show me how much I can handle, when I think I am at the end of my rope, but somehow I get through to the next day. We have policies on traveling, but I am lucky that there are 2 volunteers that live within an hour, hour and a half that on weekends if I need a break or support I can go see. Also, as most of you know, I am dating another volunteer, Mark actually who I had lived in Radomir with. Even though he lives about 6 and a half hours away, we have made it a priority to see each other at least twice a month, which makes a huge difference!

But, as it has been so long since I have written, I will end it now as I dont plan on writting a novel. There is still much more to update you on, but now that I have internet in my apartment I am hoping that I will get back into writing more! I want to thank you all for the support you have given and continue to give me. On those days when I dont want to do it anymore, your support pushes me and helps me get through the day! It makes a world of difference. So thank you. Also, I have a skype account and would love if any of you are connected to skype to be able to chat. My account is michala.golden so contact me if you would like!

Take care,
Michala